When I moved to Ohio just under a year ago, I thought the writing dream would look something like this:

I would spend half my time at school, half at work, and the rest alone—worshipping God, writing, watching movies, practicing acting. Once I finished the program I would return home and start my film group with my brothers and a couple friends.

I didn’t really consider making friends or putting down roots in Ohio—I was here to accomplish the mission and move on to my thing.

It’s hard for me to put down roots—I’ve moved several times in my life and eventually kind of gave up on making friends. Why make friends when you have a huge family to hang with and you’re probably going to move again?

That’s about how my thinking ran, and I think it’s a common line of thought for people to find themselves in—“It’s not worth it, I’ll just get hurt” or “It’s not worth it, it won’t last” or whatever.

According to a study done in 2021, 12% of Americans report having no friends.

That’s a lot of people.

As creatives in particular, I think it’s easy for us to get so focused on our thing that we don’t really involve other people.

I never had no friends, but I never went out and made any, either. All of my close friends had been the kids of my parents’ friends—so when they hang out, we hang out, and we become friends by proximity, exposure, osmosis, etc.

And they were good friendships. But again, for the first six months living here, I wasn’t going out and making any new friends

I’m going to get very vulnerable. Alli Prince and I are no longer dating. We’re still friends, it was a no-drama and mutual agreement, but it’s sad nevertheless.

And the reason I bring that up is because without her, I never would’ve learned to make friends.

You see, Alli kept after me, telling me how important it is to have a community and to connect with people outside of just her and my two other classmates.

And I did it.

I went out and texted guys at my church and now have probably around five guys that I regularly chat with and bring my problems to.

I can’t overstate the value of having guys around you who’ve walked this thing before and can help you out by listening, lending a hand, or giving you odd jobs, walks in the woods, or rides to the store.

Through reaching out, I was able to talk frankly about my struggles and get different perspectives on issues in my life.

And that’s part of the beauty of friendship—you get out of your head and get to hear other people’s stories and advice and the things God has told them.

As creatives, it’s a real temptation to stay in our head all day. Trust me, it’s real. When our dreams revolve around invented stories and worlds, it’s only natural to spend a lot of time touring the old noggin.

And while that has some good aspects, it also can quickly become a trap—you shouldn’t live in your head. Believe me.

By living in my head, I convinced myself that I was a monster waiting to be unleashed on the world. By living in my head, I concluded that it was acceptable to hurt myself and berate myself.

And by living in my head, I convinced myself that God didn’t pay enough for my forgiveness. I might as well have called Him a liar to His face.

Friendship is probably the best way to get out of your head and get some realism in your life.

There are plenty of other benefits to friendship and community—encouragement in your dreams, resources for when you’re in trouble, people to invest in and bless so that your world doesn’t just revolve around you (still working on that one), etc.

One of the other Company apprentices, Vella Karman, has a whole blog about friendship and community. Check that out here!

Alright, let’s sum up.

It’s so easy to do this alone—to lock ourselves in our mental closet where all the creative magic happens. Because we’re artists. We love our art almost as much as our friends.

But that’s the key—we do need to have friends. Otherwise our minds can run in circles and literally destroy us bit by bit—loneliness not only can result in depression and anxiety, it can also increase risk of diabetes, infectious diseases, and cardiovascular disease. (The Lancet)

Sometimes if you’re complacent like me you need someone to push you to make friends.

And even if you have ample volition, making friends takes work.

Let’s not become the 12% of friendless Americans.

Artists need friends. Go out and make some.

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Reposted with permission from noahjmatthews.com. Noah is my friend who writes about nerdy stuff and pursuing your dreams. You should absolutely go sign up for his email list right now!