It’s easier to meet online friends than in-person friends. You don’t have to worry as much about eye contact, existing friend groups, or even rejection.

But maybe your parents think face-to-face connection is better. They might have a point…God designed us without screens after all.

Practice

I’m grateful to say I’ve had many in-person, long-distance, and online friends.

Most of my online friends have been writer friends.

I spent all four years of high school as a member of the Young Writers Workshop. As much as I loved it, I felt lonely.

The other interesting thing is…the online friends I’ve actually met (in person or even over Zoom calls when I helped organize a conference) are the ones I remember. 

I led a critique group with a co-leader for roughly six months and we lost touch. But some of the people I met in-person at the conference for less than a week I will probably never lose touch with.

I love those online writer friends. They’re incredibly encouraging.

And I’m expecting to make some more through the anthology I’m working on, Fantastical Summer. As the managing editor, I hope to build friendships with the whole team.

Are you planning on submitting your story to Fantastical Summer? You have eight days! Double-check the technical requirements and submit now.

Theory

My theory is that different ways of communication have different amounts of actual communication that happens.

The amount of connection via different modes of communication (from least to most):

1. Talking in a forum chat/platform comments
2. DMing on a platform
3. Emailing
4. Texting
5. Voice messaging
6. Phone calls
7. Video calls
8. In-person

In-person is solidly the most communication that can happen as far as modes of communication go.

If we’re hanging out in person, you can read my body language, hear my tone of voice, and see what’s going on around me.

But you’re also intruding on my time in a way.

I can’t leave you unread in person. I can’t spend twenty minutes figuring out the best way to say what I want to say in person.

It’s a good thing that we can’t overthink things quite as intensely in-person as we could online. 

(I’m a writer…so I edit my texts. And journal entries. Sometimes not even because I said the wrong thing, but because I said it in a passive voice and I want to switch to an active voice and use vivid verbs.)

Our need

I didn’t want to leave my family at the end of Christmas break. 

The night before I was supposed to leave, I stayed up late with my mom. I remember looking at her and saying, “This is everything.”

Spending time in-person with people is everything.

Whether I’m two houses away or two continents away, if I’m not in-person with someone I can’t hug them.

And they can’t hug me.

I can’t lean in and whisper into their ear.

And they can’t either.

If something crazy happens in the room where I’m standing, they can’t laugh with me unless I explain it.

We have a need for in-person friendships…for physical touch, for moments of silence with each other, for witnessing crazy events…for doing life together.

It’s hard to do life together with online friends, because life isn’t online. 

Life is in your beating heart, your breathing lungs, your present God. And none of that is on a screen.

But I love my online friends!

Online friendships aren’t worthless.

As long as you’re internet safe, any connection with another human being is worth something. Even if you’re scamming scammers.

If you’ve already filled your God-designed need for in-person relationships, online friends are great. They’re the cherry on top.

If you haven’t already filled your God-designed need for in-person friendships, consider why not.

It’s easy for friendships to turn wonky when we meet our needs in the wrong way. It can be harder to stay on a healthy track with online friendships because there are things we’re not brave enough to say to people’s faces that we’ll text.

This is scientifically proven.

Maybe it’s why God gave us faces with expressions and emotions and eyes that are windows to the soul. He designed it to all work well.

Applications

If you keep your priorities straight (God first) and seek to fill your need for in-person relationships, online friends are great.

“How do I fill my need for in-person friends? You make it sound so easy.”

Well, I’m glad you asked. First, ask God to give you in-person friends. Second, sign up for my email list for weekly articles about building good, deep friendships. I’m not perfect, but I’m praying for you.