Last night I read an update from the mission fields of Papua New Guinea. 

Some heated words passed between President Biden and Papuan leaders last week, so Papua New Guinea is a good country to pray for right now.

As I read the update from my cousins who run a school in the highlands, one thing stood out to me.

They shared about young American missionaries accidentally trapping locals in a victim mindset. Thinking they were showing compassion, they pointed out all the ways trauma impacted their lives and culture. 

It hurt the whole community, but especially kids and teachers who absorbed the message.

Compassion that leads to a victim mentality is false compassion.

Compassion that leads to a victim mentality is false compassion.

Compassion the way that Jesus did it leads us into health and growth, not stuck in un-health and stagnation.

A few months ago I caught a glimpse of this through the story of Elijah. 

He’s hiding in a cave. People are trying to kill him. There’s a tornado (a wind strong enough to break rocks), an earthquake, and a fire. (1 Kings 19:11-13)

If one of my friends lived through a tornado, an earthquake, and a fire in one day, I’d automatically assume they’re traumatized. 

I’d give them a hug, bake cookies, and come prepared for anything. I’d ask if they want a distraction or listening ear or someone to just be silent with them. 

The culture I live in would interview him and call him a survivor. They’d praise him and tell him he has the right to feel sorry for himself in the same breath. They’d leave him trapped by fake compassion.

If we did all that for Elijah, he’d give us a weird look. Because he wasn’t traumatized. 

Why?

It definitely wasn’t his mental fortitude (right before this happened he asks God to kill him). 

It’s because after all that he hears a still, small voice. The voice of God.

Here’s the thing when we experience traumatic stuff: we have the still, small voice of God with us all the time. That’s the Holy Spirit. That’s why we don’t have to be traumatized.

I’m not delusional about this. I’ve lived through a tornado and the last time I told a counselor my life story, she called it “full of suffering.” 

That statement could be false compassion if it’s all she said. 

We don’t need to hear “yes, there’s something wrong with you. You’ve been hurt and broken in awful ways” unless it’s paired with “but there is hope. God holds the power to change everything and this CAN be redeemed.”

My whole life, wonderful people have reminded me that truth is more important than sympathy, that my past doesn’t define me, etc… I finally understand what they meant.

Now I understand: Compassion is false if it’s not paired with truth.

Compassion is false if it’s not paired with truth.

That’s where we go wrong. If our truth is “so you’re allowed to be traumatized now” it’s fake!

Our truth is the Bible.

But the compassion part is still important! We often can’t hear the truth until we feel loved and validation is part of how we feel loved (especially in American culture). But validation not tempered with truth makes us blind.

I heard something interesting about this from the Pastor of Redeeming Passion Ministries.

“When we affirm one another in our fear, we do what Satan tried to do.” – Pastor Troy

True compassion must be tempered by truth and hope. I pray we’ll all learn to do this well.

I’m very thankful the Ob Anggen missionaries taught me this lesson. It’ll help me be a better friend to people from any culture.

And if you want to learn more from my missionary cousins in Papua New Guinea, support their mission of cross-cultural discipleship by subscribing to their Youtube channel!