I turned 19 this week. Which means I had to endure the well-meaning but awkward tradition of people singing the birthday song to me. Multiple times.

My roommate sang a few bars of it that morning. My dad sang it to my voicemail. My wonderful church family at Cambridge Bible Church sang the whole song when they served this gorgeous cake. (Thank you Rebecca!) 

And then my fellow apprentices and teacher at The Company sang it in the middle of a restaurant.

This week gave me plenty of sweat-inducing opportunities to test out these tricks. It’s not foolproof, but my friends report that I didn’t look embarrassed at all. Here’s the breakdown for pulling that off!

Use your eyeballs.

Nobody knows where to look when people sing to them. 

Here’s the trick: Look wherever is most comfortable. If there’s a cake or something, that’s perfect. If not, make eye contact with the person that’s easiest to make eye contact with (your mom, your closest friend, the person leading the song, etc…) Do this for most of the song. 

But, you can’t do it for the entire song. This isn’t a staring contest with your mom and other people are looking at you. 

Before you get uncomfortable, let me tell you why they’re looking at you. They’re looking at you because they don’t know where else to look either. And they want to see if you’re having a good time.

Here’s the trick: Look wherever is most comfortable for most of the song. But you also have to acknowledge the other people.

At least once, but preferably a few times, smile and look around the whole room. 

Think of this as an acknowledgement of the effort they’re putting into this. (They’re singing in public, for crying out loud.) You’re showing gratitude and making it less awkward with one nice glance around the room. 

The best time to do this is when people start singing or in the middle of the song (bonus points for doing it both times). At the end of the song, you’re often blowing out candles and (mostly) home free at this point.

Quick note about blowing out candles: don’t spit on the cake. It’s embarrassing and incredibly awkward.

If you have trouble with this, don’t pucker your lips when you blow. Purse (pull them in) instead. And if you accidentally spit on the cake, it’s okay to pretend it didn’t happen. I’m pretty sure it’s not a moral failing. 😉

Take Charge.

One of the best responses to the birthday song I’ve ever watched is when someone pretends to conduct everyone singing to them.

It’s bold. It’s funny. Everyone has a good time.

And it’s incredibly hard. I only managed it once–with my church young adult group–and it felt very stilted. 

This one is a good option to use for big group settings though–I once saw a friend do this when our entire drama group (around 50 people) sang for him. Surrounded by singers, he rotated in a circle as he conducted.

The difference between us is that he embraced it fully. 

I stopped sitting on my hands, made a few bold motions, paused conducting for a bit because I felt weird, then came back at the end. But that counts for something.

Even if I didn’t embrace it fully, I took a brave step, and when I lie to myself, I can point to that moment as proof that I’m brave sometimes. 

Have Fun

Fun fact, people almost always change the key when they sing the birthday song. This article explains why it’s so hard for a group singing the birthday song to sound good.

If you’re a singer or music-lover, you might be cringing at every key change, which adds another element of awkwardness. 

Here’s my thought: the birthday song is not supposed to sound good. It’s supposed to be fun.

The birthday song isn’t supposed to sound good. It’s supposed to be fun.

So have fun! Smile, laugh, joke with your friends about it later. Feeling awkward isn’t fun, so use these tips to make it easier.

So, if your birthday is in the next 365 days of the year, use your eyeballs, take charge, and have fun. You can also send this post to a friend who dreads this birthday song or is celebrating their birthday soon!