Everywhere I’m hearing about the “loneliness epidemic” and how it’ll kill us.

Last year the US surgeon general warned that we need to treat the serious danger of loneliness in our culture. This article explains the health dangers and three different types of loneliness while pulling key quotes from his warning.

The Surgeon general also made a pdf advisory on this epidemic, mentioning the link between loneliness and heart problems, strokes, and premature death.

The suicide rates are rising in our generation, loneliness is linked to uncountable problems, and the happiness research all point to one thing: We need people.

Don’t stay a victim of the loneliness epidemic–it can kill you. No matter how long it’s been, you can break the pattern.

Don’t stay a victim of the loneliness epidemic–it can kill you.

My loneliness started in Kindergarten. I hated nap time. Of the many horrible things about it, the worst one is this: I was lonely.

This group of girls in my class would sit and talk in a small circle. Even though the overhead lights were off, they had light because they all wore light up shoes.

They’d tap their shoes on the floor and little flashes of pink and purple came from the jewels on the sides.

I didn’t have those shoes–the ticket to joining the circle. I tried to join the group once…they stomped their feet and turned me away.

Yep, that moment started a life of loneliness. 

This article from the American Psychological Association explains which social skills start developing between 3-5 years old. They say, “Friends become very important.” at this age. If friends are important at 5, they’re vital at 15.

If friends are important at 5, they’re vital at 15.

Maybe your loneliness didn’t start so young, but does it feel suffocating? 

You can change that. Here’s how:

#1 Research. 

It’s easier to do anything if you feel prepared. Start with the amazing resources from a ministry that helps people connect with biblical community.

Try researching body language tips (it’s my trick for guessing if people are open to someone joining their conversation or not). Research whatever you’re worried about and prepare for it.

#2 Don’t settle for shoe snobs

Light up shoes might not be the ticket to joining a group in high school. But your resources do impact your friendships. In college, I’ve been invited to a lot of things that take money. Eating out, movie tickets, traveling, shopping. Sometimes I miss out because I can’t afford things. Now I join them if it’s possible: I eat dinner before we leave and just buy a drink. Window-shop. Find creative ways to join in without spending money. If your friends aren’t fine with that, the red flag is waving.

This article shares why settling for surface-level friendships isn’t effective. We need to build deep ones.

#3 Stop lying.

We’re all our own worst enemy. So what lies are you telling yourself? 

• I’m just a loner. 
• No one cares about me. 
• I’m not brave. 
• There’s no time.
• I don’t need people.

Those are all lies. Let me tell you the truth: 

• Loners can join a community.
• People care about you. If you can’t think of anyone else, there’s me. I care about you. (And I’m pretty certain God does too.)
• You’re brave.
• You can make time if it’s important to you.
• God designed us to need community.

God gave us a wonderful tool to keep loneliness from killing us: the ability to connect. So do it. Research if you don’t feel prepared (I won’t make you scroll all the way back, here’s the article I recommend starting with).

Be bold. Start a conversation. Ask a deep question. Invite someone over to your house. Don’t stay a victim of the loneliness epidemic–then it can’t kill you.