I’m not sure if I had friends before Junior year of high school. Yeah, I spent time with a lot of people (except for my loner years). But what I call friendship now is a completely different thing.

Have you ever seen those charts about acquaintances vs friends vs close friends? I don’t know the website very well, but I like the relationship circle chart here. 

The charts are all about identifying what roles people play in our lives. But the reason we need a chart at all is because we don’t have a definition of friendship.

For the novella I’m planning right now, I have to define friendship. The main character’s goal is to make a friend–but what does that mean?

I started researching. I rewatched one of my favorite movies (while showing it to my friends up here who hadn’t seen it yet–-yay!). It’s called Ron’s Gone Wrong.

Ron’s Gone Wrong is all about friendship. In fact, it’s about a boy and his robot built to help him make friends. In the movie, they create a “how to be friends” bulletin board.

It’s brilliant for the movie, but that definition is designed for the sci-fi world he lives in. For example: stay within six feet, know everything about me…things that make sense for the robot-boy relationship, but not everyone else. 

If I went and told my roommate to stay within six feet of me at all times or she’s not my friend, I’d have some serious problems! And it’d be even harder for people who don’t live with me. 😉

So I can’t adopt the movie’s definition, but it gave me an idea. They used a list of rules, or precepts, instead of a dictionary definition. 

I started my own list. Some of the rules for my novella are actually wrong, because my character needs room to grow, but here’s a version of the rules that I actually agree with:

-Spend time together regularly when you can (messages count for long-distance/online friendships) 

-Trust each other enough to share sensitive information (ie secrets)

-Catch each other when they fall. (Eccles 4:9-10)

-Influence each other for the better (1 Thes. 5:11)

These rules are a good place to start for building close friendships. 

My character should probably set up a weekly hangout with someone. She could really use a little vulnerability, but she’ll probably start with her deepest darkest secret (which I don’t recommend).

I also came up with one more general rule: Loners don’t have to stay loners.

After all that time and thought about friendship for my story, real life surprised me last week. 

A friend who knows I’ve been struggling the last few weeks sent me a message. Not just any message: a 5 and a half minute voice text. And the entire time she’s just praying for me.

I almost cried. My face crumpled up and I made unintelligible noises (thankfully no one was around to hear me). But I also wanted to share this moment, so I texted my mom.

And you know what I said about my friend’s message? THAT’S what friendship is.

I’ve only met this friend in person once. She’s thousands of miles away. But we try to message every week and we trust each other with deep things. And that’s why she has the power to touch my heart.

If I had to define friendship in a sentence, I’d say it’s just that. Friends are the people who touch each other’s hearts and influence each other for the better.