I don’t want to hide from you guys.
But I’m struggling with feeling not enough again.
I’ve been feeling far from God lately. But not all the time! I feel close to him sometimes. And then I feel far away again.
And for some reason, whichever side of the spectrum I’m on, it feels that it will consume me.
I forget that thirty minutes ago, I was fine.
I’m certain that I’ll become deeply depressed.
Or this anxiety spiral will last forever.
Or that my friendships will never recover from this season.
Engaged…
Being engaged is HARD, guys.
After I said goodnight to my fiancé and hung up the phone last night, I sat on my couch in the dark, curled into the fetal position.
Everything was going so well.
What happened?
The grace period…
I’m living my dream (published author).
But I’m also working from sunup to sundown (and longer).
SO MUCH change has happened in the last few months of my life.
Plus I’ve been struggling to get up early and read the Bible (which means I’m not reading it at all).
So it’s no wonder I don’t feel like there’s ground underneath my feet.
When I ask myself, Why do I feel so dry?
Or, why am I doubting everything?
Maybe I should be asking better questions: why aren’t I giving myself grace?
Or, how can I set myself up for success?
I give myself grace in the hard seasons BECAUSE God gave me grace. And if he does it, shouldn’t I too?
NOTE: My love isn’t why this engagement season is hard. He’s wonderful. He has a beautiful soul. I love him. It’s just all the expectations around planning a wedding.
The thing about recycling…
I used to be super passionate about recycling.
“It’s taking care of God’s creation!” I’d tell people.
I was never super judgy about people who didn’t recycle (praise God, because I can be a judgy person), but I did it because it mattered to me.
I don’t care as much about recycling now.
Because I am God’s creation. Us humans are his MASTERPIECE.
Why would I put time/effort/money into recycling when I’m not taking good care of his masterpieces?
Taking care of yourself because you’re GOD’S masterpiece is waaaaay better than doing self-care because it’s aesthetic.
Caring for my health (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, social, etc…) is taking care of his creation.
Loving the people around me is taking care of his creation.
And I don’t have it all figured out yet.
But I do know that taking care of yourself because you’re GOD’S masterpiece is waaaaay better than doing self-care because it’s aesthetic.
You got this, girl…
Even if you’re not in the same stage of life as I am, you can use these truths.
Choosing to give yourself grace in the hard parts and taking care of yourself because you’re God’s masterpiece are VITAL to filling your life with light.
What do you think? How do you feel about self-care? Do you recycle? Let me know what you think in the comments.
If you’ve realized that you might need to spend time taking care of yourself this week because you’re God’s masterful creation, you’re not alone. Download some music to listen to while you journal/shower/exercise:
Dear Vella, could I offer a natural remedy you might consider trying? Sometimes anxiety is an effect of a deficiency or malfunctioning system in your body. You might want to look into Ashwagandha to lesson or curb your GAD. It’s safe, and healthy, and won’t give you a million side effects like conventional medication. Here’s a link if you are interested. And please know, I will be praying for you.
https://www.amazon.com/Youtheory-Ashwagandha-60-Count-Bottle/dp/B07TWS9XVN/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
Dear May, thanks for your heart to help. I don’t try natural remedies that are recommended for me by people I don’t already have a close relationship with though.
No worries Vella, I completely understand. I also wanted to add that too, and to consult with a doctor or physician, as there are guidelines to taking it as well.
Yes!! Beautiful revelations. You are learning this so young Vella. (I can say this since I’m 70!) I love how you expand the self care concept into valuing who we are in Gods eyes. We are truly loved and get to be His workmanship. And in light of that, give ourselves breaks, or times to do something that refreshes us-whether it’s time with the Lord, going on a walk…. Whatever. I love the reminder of our value in being Gods workmanship. Love that!
I think I’ll take care of his workmanship and take a nap!
Thank you!!!
Pam, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. <3 It's been such a freeing truth in my life that I actually wrote a novel that talks about those themes so that I can share it with other young people!
I agree with you on self-care! As an athlete I really make sure to do the little things like eat healthy, drink lots of water, and sleep 8 hours if I can. It can be hard sometimes balancing the self-care things with the other things of life, and I think it is because we prioritize life over self-care. And yes there are important things in life, but self-care is so important, especially for our soul. When I realized I was getting burnt out this semester, I knew I needed to take something out. So I started with listing the things that had to stay in my schedule—like quiet time, eating, sleeping, etc. It was so helpful in figuring out why I needed to take out! And sometimes good things need to be taken out so that great things can happen.
Amen! (Also it’s so good to see you here, Lydia! Your thoughts always encourage me so much.)
Planning for a wedding can be very stressful. Years ago, my husband and I both struggled with that too. We were a little bit depressed about it and joked about eloping. But our wedding ended up being lovely and quite a few people there told us that they have very fond memories of our wedding. No one noticed that I forgot the cake topper, or the guest book (which I did!). You can’t plan for everything, but don’t waste time worrying. The planning is worth it, but don’t let it consume you guys. Go out and have fun together, or read the Bible together, remind yourself of why you want to marry this great guy. You got this. 🙂 And remember you are struggling with this for a reason. This is an opportunity to draw closer to God and to build the habits of a strong walk with Him, so no matter how busy married life gets, you can trust those good habits to help you and not make your life harder than it’s supposed to be.
We’ve joked about eloping too, haha. Yes! God is absolutely working all things together for our good. <3