Last night, I felt devoid of emotions.

I’m not depressed. But I felt emptiness under the lamplight of my living room at 11 PM.

So I prayed about it.

And I felt God leading me to pick up a book called “Untangle Your Emotions” by Jennie Allen.

This book revealed a fear I didn’t know I had…and you might have it too.

Book rec of the week…

I’ve tried to read this book multiple times since it came out. I’ve always ended up crying. So I’ve never made it very far…in fact, I’m only on chapter 6.

(I really recommend this book btw. You’ll love it! You know…when it’s not making you cry.)

So I opened the book to my beautiful Aslan bookmark and started reading.

The section I read was all about how we handle our emotions so we don’t need to feel them. And when we use these methods for too long, sometimes we can’t feel anything anymore (wow God, way to cut to the chase).

My oh-so-vulnerable insights

Jennie Allen laid out three methods we use:

1. Controlling
2. Coping
3. Concealing

And I realized I’ve used all three of these… *cue uncomfortable laughter*

When a natural disaster destroyed my neighborhood, I controlled my emotions. 

I told myself what the right response to this crisis was. I reframed my emotions and tried to live like those were what I actually felt. That didn’t go well.

When I was twelve, I concealed (ie stuffed) all my anger because I thought it was bad.

Now I’m twenty and I do a lot of coping…burying myself in a book or scrolling the internet to avoid my emotions.

Her definition of coping stood out to me: “We cannot deal with how we feel, so we go searching for an escape hatch instead.”

But maybe that’s not exactly right. Maybe we can deal with how we feel, but we’re afraid that we can’t. 

I experience intense anxiety sometimes. 

And when it comes, I can’t seem to handle being in my own skin. It’s because I’m afraid of it. I’m afraid I can’t stand to actually feel the anxiety.

So I distract myself. 

Our secret fear of…emotions

In my head, I’m not afraid of emotions at all. But my coping uncovers a different version of the story. It’s like peeling back a rug to see the state of the flooring underneath. 

If God’s restoring me, the same way I’d restore an old house, that’s a good thing.

It’s not a problem if the boards are uneven or even rotting. 

I think God plans on redoing our floors with shiny new hardwood anyways. It’s just a matter of time before it’s finished. 

This is my second post about burning your fears like a pyromaniac. Drop a comment if you want me to continue the series (or if that’s your worst nightmare)!

Do you want to grow in your faith and friendships? I compiled a list of Bible verses to help you do just that. Check ’em out: