The molting phase triggers when you transfer from living in your family’s mindset and lifestyle to opening up and sharing with friends about core aspects of life. 

From the outside it looks like a clash of mindsets and immature behavior. These are the friends who put too much on you.

From the inside it’s even harder to recognize.

If you’re in the molting phase you’re learning how to interact with other people. You might think, “I learned how to interact with people in kindergarten. What are you talking about?”

I hate to tell you this, but it’s not that simple. You can be mature in every other respect, but still immature in interactions with other people.

The molting phase is hard to put into words. It’s a stage when your immaturity is revealed in friendships. 

It hits somewhere between 12 and 20. It’s especially hard for Christians who grew up in a bubble or spent a couple years in hermitage (like me).

If you’re in the molting phase, I want to equip you with three mindsets and two words of advice. 

Mindset #1: You’re not a burden.

Let me repeat this: you’re not a burden. 

You need lots of support in the molting phase. But you add something invaluable to the life of every single one of your friends, whether you’re in the molting phase or not.

 The fact that you exist makes the world a better place. I believe this with every ounce of my being. Why would God put you here if not? 

We’re made in the image of a good God (Gen. 1:27) and that means all humans add value to the world around them just by existing. Your simple act of existence is valuable. 

Take a deep breath. The fact that you can bring air in and out of your lungs glorifies God. Stop trying to not be a burden–you add so much to the world without even knowing or striving! 

Also, there’s NO Bible verse that says not to be a burden (I checked).

Mindset #2: You’re experiencing a natural part of the growing process. 

It will end. 

Feeling uncomfortable and needing support is normal in this season. You won’t always feel this way–someday you can help other people through the molting phase.

You will grow braver and steadier if you keep submitting to God in this season.

It’s a truth universally ignored that we must feel awkward and embarrassed in order to grow.

The molting phase is…

• When we learn how to ask for help from people we’re not related to.
• When we learn to answer “how are you?” with something more vulnerable than “good.”
• When we learn how to communicate with people who don’t have the same cultural background.
• When we learn how to unawkwardly figure out if we pay the check at the table or the door at a restaurant.
• When we learn how to coordinate rides if we need a lift.
• When we learn the responsibilities of adult friendships.

So it’s actually serving a purpose. We have to learn these things somehow. 

Mindset #3: You’re going to be okay.

Seriously. There’s no need to despise yourself for being human.

Life will go on, and it will get even better with a new, bigger comfort zone.

A word of advice: be intentional with your support system. 

Spread support around. You need lots, so if you put it all on one person it’s a recipe for disaster. Find support from lots of people in lots of different places (the biggest chunk going to God). 

Even just having more conversations with coworkers can help, because some of it is just practicing spending time with people. They’re another outlet, even if you don’t trust them with deep stuff. 

A word of advice: ask for grace in the molting phase.

Ask for grace! Take a minute to share your struggles and ask for a little extra grace at this point in your life with the people around you. You won’t regret it!

Don’t put pressure on yourself to skip past or diminish the amount of time you spend in the molting phase. 

Just let it happen and trust God to bring you out the other side.

The molting phase is the least talked about aspect of friendship. Send this article to your friends and family if you think you might be in the molting stage–the people around you will appreciate it.