I moved out of my parents’ house almost 11 months ago.

My first year away from home has been a whirlwind, but an amazing community helped me through it. These people love me in a way that blows me away.

I can’t imagine my life without them.

So here are my community tips for your first year away from home.

1. Commit to a church family

The perfect church doesn’t exist. But it’s vital that you connect with a church.

Before I left, I listened to this podcast by Jennie Allen with tons of invaluable tips for college students. One tip is to choose a church in your first month at college.

I took this tip. I tried 3-4 churches in my first month in Cambridge and then I committed to one for the rest of the year. 

I’m so grateful I found a church family that’s gathered around me and where the pastor actually preaches the words of God at Cambridge Bible.

If the church has a young adult ministry, great! Mine actually didn’t when I started there, and I’ve watched it go from four of us to over twenty in just a few months. 

If the church has volunteer opportunities, consider signing up! Yes, it’s another commitment on your (already crazy schedule), but serving is the BEST way to connect and plug in. 

College isn’t a time for only consuming, but also pouring into other people.  

Find a church home. Connect with other believers. I put this at the top of the list of lifesaving tips for your first year away from home for a reason.

2. Be yourself with your peers.

Fake it until you make it is an awful idea with your personality. Never fake who you are.

For one, you can only fake it so long. If you’re terrified of spiders, trying to force yourself to get over this fear because no one here knows you and you could be anybody is a bad idea. You’ll scream when a spider crawls onto your hand.

“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

Dr. Seuss

Here’s what I realized after a month away from home: I upended my life, moved halfway across the country, started an intense but fulfilling apprenticeship program, and I’m still me. I still have all the same faults and struggles as I did before.

You’ll still be you. That’s not a let down though, because you’re on the path to growth. And growth is slower than the last 2 miles home at the end of a long road trip, but it will happen.

Also, people love you more when they know you more. If you’re vulnerable with your faults and flaws and fears, you will be known. And you’ll probably be forced to grow even more.

3. Ask older folks for help.

You’re not a mooch. Even if you ask for help before you know them very well, they’ll probably be delighted to help you!

You know why? They were college kids just out of the house once too. Now they’re established and wise.

If you ask for little things you need (like borrowing a shopvac to clean out your car instead of paying at a gas station), not only do you save money, but you also grow in community. You give them the joy of helping. It’s a win-win!

Where do you find older couples? Your church family. 🙂

Friends in different life stages add something invaluable to our lives. 

I’m incredibly grateful for when I’m invited to a 5-year-old’s birthday party and when I’m invited to have lunch with a 50-year-old couple.

And us college students are in our own life stage. We add something invaluable to their lives too. 

You add something invaluable to the life of every single one of your friends. Stop devaluing yourself. You’re wonderful, you’re worth more than the moon and the stars, and you’re made in the image of a beautiful creator who loves you.

4. Make a prioritized list.

 You won’t be able to keep up with everyone. Choose intentionally who you’ll give your heart and energy to. Loving people is hard work, and we’re not just called to love the people who are easy to love.

You’re responsible for how you treat the people around you.

I made a prioritized list:

1. My first priority is the people in front of me. The people I interact with every day, who will be affected by me whether I’m trying to or not.

Roommates, classmates, teachers, coworkers.

2.  Next is my family. I’m still a sister and a daughter no matter what.
3. Then the larger community in my area. 

These relationships are vital for stability in my life and where a lot of the service opportunities come from.

4. Close friends.

I have three really close long-distance friends. I try to respond to their texts within a few days.

5. Everyone else.

Sad to say…it’s sometimes literal months before I respond to a text message from these people. 

Tell the people who need to know where they are on your list (i.e. your family).

Because it’s an intentional choice, I don’t beat myself up for not responding right away. It’s just a fact of this stage of life.

This will look different for me than you, but it really helps to know where your priorities are. It avoids a lot of stress for you and your family/friends to know this.

5. Make the first move.

This is simple.

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

You’ve got this!

I hope you can implement all of these tips. They really helped me! 

But if you feel overwhelmed, you might need a minute to adjust to this change. Moving out can come with a lot of emotions, so I’ll leave you with one more thought from Winnie-the-Pooh.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh