In the middle of an argument, I do this and it changes everything.

There’s a secret to community.

It’s simple. It’s easy. It’s effective.

You can even multi-task it (although it’s better when you give it your whole focus).

I use this in arguments with my roommate, painful conversations with friends, and awkward moments with coworkers. It’s never failed.

You want to know the secret?

Prayer.

Pray with your friends

In the middle of arguments, I start praying for the other person. I ask to see God’s heart for them.

Like I said in this post: “A good friend is not perfect.” Let me add to it: a good friend is praying.

And the secret goes both ways!

If you want to cultivate community in your life, pray for your friends and pray with your friends.

The Bible actually tells us to do this (surprise, surprise).

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16

This is true. 

How do I know?

1. It’s the Bible and God doesn’t make mistakes.
2. I’ve tried it.

Almost every time I confess my sins to someone, there’s dread in the pit of my stomach. But I’ve never regretted it.

Who to pray with

I’ve always gone to a Protestant church (in case you don’t know, there’s major differences between Protestant and Catholic beliefs).

So when I bring my sins into the light, it’s usually with my parents. (Thank you Mom and Dad!) 

Now that I’m a college kid living in another state, I talk to my friends. Because I have good, deep friendships with other Christ-followers, that’s easy.

It is incredibly VITAL that you try this with people you can trust. That (and convincing yourself to actually do it) are the biggest steps.

How to pray with friends

If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, fair. My approach is to dive in before I can talk myself out of it. 

I usually start with something like: “um… *long pause* I was wondering…if I could talk to you about something that’s bothering me.” 

They say yes, then I ask if we can talk about it at my house when they’re coming over later that afternoon (any private time and space works). When the time comes, I share and ask for prayer. 

Don’t forget the last step (asking specifically for prayer)! The verse says “confess, pray, be healed” not “confess, listen to advice, do what the other person says.”

If you’re a college kid and not sure who to talk to, just CALL YOUR PARENTS. Being over 18 doesn’t mean you’re failing if you ask your mom for help sometimes. 

If your parents aren’t believers, you can also talk to your local pastor or his wife (they don’t bite). You can also find a campus ministry leader. 

Also, don’t try to dump it in the middle of a conversation without making a big deal out of it or asking for prayer. I’ve tried this. It doesn’t really work.

What if my sin didn’t cause my problems?

In that case, these steps are still worth something.

Do you feel broken in any way?

I’ve found that when I share my story and my brokeness…when I say out loud the lies whispered in my head in the middle of the night and the painful temptations I have to fight, something changes.

Satan’s best trick is shame. If you don’t talk about it, it’s easier for him to hurt you.

God’s best trick is love. He truly completely utterly wholeheartedly deeply affectionately loves me and you. 

He can’t shut up about how much He loves us. He wrote a whole book of love letters! He even wrote love poetry (Song of Songs). 

That love killed him, because He couldn’t let us die without a chance to know Him. 

He wanted us to live in His house. He wanted us to experience life to the fullest. He loved us so much that when He had the option to live or to die for our good, He chose the cross.

If He loves you that much, why not ask your friends to pray that He’ll heal you?

Try it!

Today, find a friend and ask to pray with them. In person, over the phone, in a text…however. Just do it!