My friend Micah asked me to write to a certain topic.

I met him at the Young Writers Workshop Conference 2023, and he left a comment on this post saying: “Hey, could you possibly write something about God taking away friendships and having to move on?”

So, this one’s for Micah. I pray God will guide me in all wisdom as I write.

My Friendship Philosophy

I haven’t shared this yet, but I find it really helpful.

God pressed this idea into my heart in the middle of a painful relationship struggle last year.

Here’s the idea: “I’m grateful that God allows me to be a part of their life, however much and for however long we’re friends.”

My friendship philosophy: I’m grateful that God allows me to be part of their life, however much and for however long we’re friends.

God taught me this when I saw that I can treat friendships really selfishly.

“I’m lonely, I want friends.” It’s true, but isn’t it pretty selfish?

It’s even worse when I tried to bring my needs (the ones only God can fill) to my human friends.

But that’s where Micah already hit the nail on the head: it’s God.

Only God

• Only God knows what’s happening in your life and theirs
• Only God can fill your deepest needs for belonging
• Only God controls the universe, including friendships

But there’s a counterpart to this: only Satan is trying to steal, kill, and destroy your friendships.

Broken friendships breed insecurity. And Satan loves insecurity (remember, he wants to steal, kill, and destroy you. John 10:10)

You are a CHILD OF GOD. That title breaks down every other single thing that could be said about you, because it’s more powerful.

Broken friendships breed insecurity. Fight insecurity with truth!

If a friendship ended because your friend died of cancer, Satan whispers the lie that to love is to hurt. If a friendship ended because you moved away and they didn’t keep in touch, Satan whispers the lie that you should’ve tried harder or they don’t care about you or that you’re forgettable. If a friendship ended with brokenness, Satan whispers the lie that you don’t deserve friends or something else evil.

Please don’t listen to the lies. Listen to a soundtrack of truth.

It’s not always the end. 

I felt pretty unprepared to write this post because I haven’t had very many close friendships end. 

And I realized there’s a reason I feel that way–I don’t view it as the end. 

I can’t count the number of times one of my relationships looked to be over, only to be restored. So now I don’t think it’s always the end.

To keep this mindset, especially if there’s HUGE pain and hurt, if your friends are abandoning God and going down wrong paths, it’s so vital to hold onto the first philosophy. 

“I’m grateful that God allows me to be part of their life, however much and for however long we’re friends.”

This is humility before God.

He cares about your friends more than you do. He knows everything happening in their lives because He formed them in their mother’s wombs. All of your friends are humans: changing, growing humans that you only see a glimpse of…and that’s okay.

All of your friends are humans: changing, growing humans that you only see a glimpse of…and that’s okay.

You’re a changing, growing human and your friends only see a glimpse of your many facets too.

Maybe in five years they’ll explain everything. Maybe it won’t happen in this lifetime. 

My point is that you can’t predict the future. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it’s not.

You can’t predict the future; so leave it in God’s hands.

Actually, don’t just leave the future in God’s hands–throw yourself and your emotions and your mental health and your mistakes and your soul into God’s hands too. He wants to hold you.

Moving On

If they follow Jesus, hold onto hope that you will be friends again in heaven. In heaven there’s no way to have broken friendships. God’s presence makes it whole.

If they don’t follow Jesus, remember that God redeems and restores and pray that He will break through to them.

Friendship shows us what it means to be human. To love and lose and hurt and grow and change and forgive…it’s part of God’s redemptive process. He is redeeming this in your life already!

So, Micah: Don’t give up on your friends. Don’t give up on yourself. And trust God will hold you and your future in His gentle hands, every step of the way.

If you want to keep reading about moving on from broken friendships, read this article by my roommate.