I don’t know how many times I’ve been ditched. I never thought to count. Is that the kind of thing I should tally on the wall in my bedroom? Probably not. 

My favorite is the time when a friend I met up for lunch turned around and started flirting with some guys in our co-op. 

Ghosting is also fun. That’s the first distinction of getting ditched–was it in real life or ghosting (they stopped responding to messages)?

When someone ghosts you, they stop responding to messages. It’s usually unclear…did they just get busy? Did my phone glitch and they never got it? Should I message again? So many things to agonize over.

When someone ditches you in-person, it can be clear or unclear.

When someone ditches you in-person, it can be clear or unclear.

One time, I was with a group of friends eating lunch outside. Everyone but one person decided to go get something. We told her we’d be right back. Somehow, they decided to never come back.

It’s still not clear to me if the people in this group intentionally never came back or not. Because it’s not the only time this friend was somehow separated from the group, I’m guessing it was.

This friends is one of my lovely friends with special needs. There’s no quicker way to make me furious than to hurt my family or be mean towards someone with special needs because of their differences. Please don’t ditch people for their differences.

Please don’t ditch people for their differences.

I ended up leaving that friend group and eating lunch with this friend on a regular basis. 

It’s a challenge to build deep friendships with people who don’t share your values. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t, but be bold if you see someone else getting ditched. 

I wish I’d been bold enough to call them out for it instead of staying silent in fear.

The next distinction is whether a ditch is intentional or not. My friend really got distracted flirting with those guys. 

It doesn’t change the hurt of their actions, but your friend might not even realize that they ditched you.

So what can we do?

Feel Your Feelings

It’s never worked for me to ignore my feelings. They always come back at some point or another, and I feel rejected or mad or unworthy. Sometimes it takes years for my emotions to catch up with me, but they always do. 

Jennie Allen’s new book, Untangle Your Emotions, (that released a few weeks ago), talks about…drumroll please…untangling your emotions.

You should read it if you want an in-depth guide to handling your emotions in a God-honoring, science-backed way.

It’s okay to acknowledge how you feel, but DON’T respond out of your emotions.

Handle Conflict 

Sometimes you need to talk it out. Those conversations often come paired with conflict.

I have a really great method for handling conflict. And it works when I actually remember to do it. The method? Pray. 

I pray for my friend. Then I ask God for help handling the situation. 

It’s not complicated. I just forget to do it about 50% of the time. 

When I remember, the conflicts are still painful. They still take time to work out. But I almost always end up closer to God and that friend. 

This method also helps me with forgiveness.

Forgive 

And forgiveness is the last step. God’s really convicted and blessed me with forgiveness this week. 

Forgiveness is so important that Mayo Clinic keeps a whole article about forgiveness and its health benefits on their website.  

I had to forgive huge things from years ago and little things from this week. (Apparently turning 19 LINK doesn’t make me perfect. Who knew?) And after I started writing this post, I realized I haven’t forgiven all of the people who have ditched me. 

Luckily, forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling.

I’m making that choice right now. And I want to challenge you to do the same thing.